Not Some Random Clown: A Youth Football Coaching Legend's Rise to Glory by Letterman Three Year

Author:Letterman, Three Year
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2024-06-29T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 18

The Piccolo Player Returns

My exhilaration over the Piccolo Player’s departure was short-lived. After Emmanuel advised the league office that Pierre would be switching teams, they immediately called me to tell me the switch couldn’t happen. The league evidently interpreted the switching rule as applying only when there is some “practical reason” and not because of “mere personality conflicts.”

“Isn’t sucking a practical enough reason?” I asked.

The answer was no. Apparently the league’s brass was concerned I would “abuse” the rule just to get rid of players I didn’t want and gain a competitive advantage. They were 100% correct about that.

I was hoping that the Piccolo Player would just quit instead of return to the team since his father hated me so much. But sure enough, the very next night, the Piccolo Player and Emmanuel sauntered onto the field just before practice was to begin.

“What the hell is this?” I asked Emmanuel.

“I assume you heard the league won’t let Pierre change teams,” he said.

“That’s right. But that doesn’t mean he needs to play on this team. Why doesn’t he just quit? Then he can focus on playing his diet flute.”

“If it were up to me, he would. I can assure you that. But he insists on wanting to play. He thinks that he’s got something to offer the team and that you’ll eventually see that.”

I doubled over and began laughing so hard I was unable to breathe. Tears were in my eyes. “Okay, fine,” I said, struggling to catch my breath. “Piccolo Player, get out there and warm up.”

“His name is Pierre.”

“Not on this field it isn’t, Dr. Email.”

“Coach Letterman, I suggest that you seriously reevaluate your priorities in life. I disliked you at first, but now I just feel sorry for you. You spend your life focused on sports when there’s a whole world of literature, art, and culture that is much more satisfying than a sports championship. Those are the things that are essential to our humanistic development, making life richer and more fulfilling.”

“That’s quite a word salad just to say you never lettered in shit.”

With the Piccolo Player there to stay, I tried to think outside of the box about how to use the Piccolo Player’s musical “talent.” I discussed the issue with my coaching staff during a break. Dale, who is a huge fan of Game of Thrones, suggested having the Piccolo Player play the song “Rains of Castamere” (Dale kept calling it the “Castle Rains” song, so it took some time before I finally understood what the hell he was referencing) at midfield before kickoff to intimidate the other team. Dale also suggested that he stand beside the Piccolo Player and play the “Red Wedding” scene on an iPad so that the other team would know what fate awaited them.

I discussed the idea with the Piccolo Player after practice, and he was very excited about it. The only hitch was that he wasn’t familiar with the song or with Game of Thrones in general, so I

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